forgot to mention this earlier.

so when were out earlier, our seats were next to each other and i kept leaning a little bit or crossing my legs just so we would have some sort of physical contact. like, i havent been hugged in about to weeks. and it fucking sucks. i just. ugh. i want her to hug me but i know ive been annoying her and im literally crumbling right now and i have no clue why and its killing me and i want to cry.

i could really use a friend..

i just. i really need a hug. but well see, usually that involves at least two people. so i would need to find someone willing to have physical contact with me. god im annoying. i really fucking hate myself. i understand why she hates me. i understand why everyone hates me. my head is still killing me. also, really tired of throwing up constantly. how do i still have tears left. what the fuckkk

i havent had physical contact of any kind in a really long time.

im assuming its because shes sick of me. i dont blame her. people get sick of me really easily. i want to ask her for a hug so badly but i know she doesnt like physical contact. god, im fucking pathetic. i have to ask my only friend for a hug because she probably doesnt want to be friends anymore. whatever. its fine. i have a busy schedule next year so ill have lots of stuff so who needs friends. ive gotten this far without many. i just wish shed be honest about not wanting to be friends anymore..